On Becoming Clean
by emeraldteardrops
Summary: Summary: "Konoha's weapon. If she was waiting for the water to purge her of her sins, she’d have a long time to wait. " SakuKiba. SakuKaka, but not in the standard sense. Rating for dark themes and mature situations.
1. Chapter 1

A/N This is my first Naruto fic. So yeah, in case it sucks…

**On Becoming Clean**

A lonely form stood in the half lit shower room, water pouring over her. Konoha's weapon. If she was waiting for the water to purge her of her sins, she'd have a long time to wait.

Blood entwined with water and dirt, streaking down her skin in macabre tracks. She knew she should be scrubbing it off of her, she knew that ridding herself of the reminders of this day would be the very best thing she could do. Do the job. Strip off the traces of what happened. Go home and go on with your life. She wasn't the only one who frequented the ANBU headquarters before heading back to her apartment after a mission, not the only one to linger here in the empty halls and unlit training rooms when she could be in her warm bed, not the only one unable to stay clean. The shower at home was white and pristine, healthy. The one she stood in held a slight darkish stain that never could be cleaned off. Tainted. Dirty. Like her.

The blood clung to her like a lover. Let it go, her inner voice told her harshly. It's just a job, and it's just a paycheck. Paychecks paid the bills, even when they were cashed in blood. Her blood or someone else's, it didn't matter. The bloodier the better, the fatter her wallet, and the longer she could eat. How long had it been since she ate or drank? The only liquid she could recall lately splattered and stuck, drying dark and sticky on her body. Damn it, this mission was staying with her. Clinging to her like the grime that coated her flesh. She should scrub it off, and then maybe she could go home. Or maybe she would sleep here instead. She could go home when she felt more normal, when she wouldn't spend an hour staring at the shower floor and wondering why it was so damn clean. She never showered there, that's why it sparkled. Just like her. The Hokage's apprentice. The talented medic. The most powerful kunoichi in the village with the exception of her mentor. Sparkly. Perfect. Her.

Crimson, blackened with bits of offal that could have been from any number of men over several nights. That was her too.

The hot water beat down on the back of her neck, steam rising about her as she kept her head bent and her hands against the wall for support. She stared at the swirling pattern beneath her feet, wondering if the bits ever missed the whole, and if she should have been polite enough to return them. She didn't realize that she was laughing at the absurdity of the thought until the sound echoed eerily about the room. It didn't matter, when a person was dead, they were dead. That was it. It was just a job, just her job. Tear them apart or stitch them back together, whatever the village needed, she did. Cash the checks. Or watch them piling up in the corner, because it felt too bad handing them to bank teller when only she could see how much blood stained them. Only she knew… what she did to earn them.

"You're late. And you look like shit."

Hmmm. She'd never noticed him, even though he was only a few feet away. She must be losing her touch. Then again, the kunai she always wore around her neck was already in her hand and ready. Maybe she was just losing her mind. Unwilling to pursue that line of thought, she simply closed her eyes and licked the moisture gathering at her lips, lowering the weapon but still holding on to it, flipping it idly in her hand.

"You always did know how to talk to the ladies, Kiba," she said with a slight smirk. A derisive snort was his only reply. She could feel his eyes on her, and for a brief moment she considered his audacity of approaching her when she was undressed. But that was too much effort and she had a shower to take, and another one to go home and visit. It must be lonely, she couldn't remember the last time she had used it.

"You were supposed to be back two weeks ago, Sakura," Kiba said flatly, yet she could hear the underlying growl in his tone. He was displeased. Two weeks?

"I thought I was running a bit behind," she said mildly. The water felt cold, so she turned the knob further to the left, hoping to coax out a bit more heat. The puddles at her feet were less dark, being replaced by a lighter pink. She didn't have to turn around to know what the expression on his face would be. His dark eyes would be narrowed, and in the dim light the clan markings on his face would look menacing. Especially if he was frowning, because then just the tips of his fangs showed. His arms would be crossed in front of his chest, and despite the lazy way he would be leaning against the wall behind her, there was nothing relaxed about him when he was angry with her.

"We were going to send someone out tonight if you didn't show," he informed her. They both knew that someone would have been him. She shrugged, wondering why the water was growing colder every minute. She opened her eyes and stared at her feet, preferring the sight to that in her mind. She didn't want to picture him right now. Kiba was too complex, and she had more simple things to occupy her attention. Like how the third one had screamed when she'd been forced to gut him…

"Then you should be thankful I did and saved you some sleep, instead of you growling at me," she heard herself say lightly, even as her mind's eye watched the slicing movement over and over again, watched him clasp his hands to his belly desperately. She could have saved him, perhaps tomorrow at the hospital she would re-gut someone else. Was that a word? Re-gut? Tsunade would know. She probably shouldn't ask, her mentor always got such strange expressions on her face when she did. Kiba was talking but she had not heard the first half of what he'd said. Water filled her nose, as she found herself randomly raising and dropping her face under the shower head. Maybe she was losing her mind.

"Sakura? Are you even listening to me?"

"Hmmm?"

"I said, you would have saved _everyone_ some sleep if you had just taken someone with you. You had that option, you know. Anyone would have been better than going alone. Why the hell Tsunade gives you kunoichi the choice of solos for those kinds of missions is beyond me."

"Some of us work better knowing that no one will see what we do." _What we let be done to us, and our revenge when it's over_.

It was true. Along with standard missions, kunoichi were expected to be used to seduce and lure men into weakened states, and they were trained to handle themselves thusly. But sometimes things got out of hand, and some targets could never be _in_ hand in the first place. Even the strongest most capable kunoichi could find themselves unable to properly function after a target was finally taken out. The first time that she had suffered through a brutal gang rape to get to her desired man, she had barely been able to get herself home in one piece. Her strength and chakra healing kept her going longer than most, but even she had finally learned that the embarrassment of a male shinobi hiding in the backgrounds could be well worth it when said shinobi's strength got her home safely.

Some kunoichi never were able to perform with an audience they knew and insisted on going solo for those missions. Other kunoichi refused to go in alone, scared of what might happen. But most, like herself, picked a shinobi or two and stuck with them, limiting who saw them at their worst and therefore maintaining a semblance of their dignity when not at work. Her pride had flown out the window when her first time being accompanied on such a mission, her partner had pulled off his shirt and balled it up between her naked thighs, desperately trying to stem the bleeding while snarling at her to not pass out, damn it, and heal herself! And if the result was that said males were slightly more protective than normal over their partners, no one in the shinobi community was crass enough to bring it up. Treating the kunoichi like whores because of that part of their job was a great way to find a kunai to your throat and not always by her. Two months ago the amiable Kotetsu had flown into a rage when a visiting young shinobi from Sand had implied such about Tenten, and not a single person had felt obliged to pull him off as the more experienced Leaf nin showed exactly what he thought about that.

"You still shouldn't have gone alone," Kiba as normal would not be budged in his opinion. "If your current condition is any indication," he added with a touch more harshness in his tone.

Her condition? Well, bits of offal had never been her best look. But the length of time she had spent in here was slowly working the grime from her body, and there were no injuries visible that she was aware of. Still, better to placate him than wonder about it too much. Maybe then he'd leave her alone. She had been alone so much this last month that she wasn't used to the company. Company meant things she didn't feel like thinking about right now, like how it felt to hold the body of the one you'd just killed, his life spilling out and coating you as you hide from the ones that sought retribution. Seeing red, so much red, but it was normal because there was always a stack of fluffy white papers telling her it was okay because it was only a job. Just a job. Do the job and strip off all the traces of what she saw, what she did, so no one could tell. Then she could go home and stare at her shower and tell it to stop worrying so much, because she was fine, she was always fine.

…Or maybe not.

"You were busy, Kiba," she once again heard herself speak, although there was less lightness this time. One hand at her hip, tingling. One hand on the wall, tile softer than it should be, cracking too easy and crumbling away to fall at her feet. Fall, fall, fall at her feet. That was why she was so damn good at her job, Kiba or no. When it was done, she was always the last one standing.

"Kakashi wasn't." That must have taken him some effort to say, considering…

"You hate Kakashi." And she hated lukewarm showers. Maybe the steam knew why the water felt so cold? She should ask it.

"That's not the point, Sakura. My personal feelings aside, he's better than the rest of us, and he'd have gone with you, even if he had just gotten back in. He's pissed too, by the way. He thinks you're taking too many risks."

"He should take it up with my shower."

Did that just come out? No, she just thought it; of course she wouldn't have just said it. She wasn't crazy or anything. Damn, why was the water so cold? She turned the dial even though it wouldn't go any further. Was it too much to ask for hot water? Hot water to scrub off this mission, to clean herself from what she had done. It was her ritual, hers alone, and Kiba was interrupting it. He was always interrupting, especially when she needed him to the most. How insanely inconvenient, not to let her slip away into delicious ambiguity, where talking to one's own self was as normal as cradling a dead man until he stunk and began to bloat. Stupid tiles, crumbling like dust beneath her palm, they really needed to work on this shoddy construction. Because construction was normal, and showers were normal, and paychecks didn't make you cringe, and tomorrow she'd be fine as long as he just didn't say anything more. Please, Kiba, don't push this. Just this once, let her be. The water was cold and could they just not talk about it… please?

Silence. Wonderful silence, where the only sound was the running water, and her breathing, and a hand that protested its owner's ignorance. But he would never let her be, because that wasn't his way. It hadn't been since she had asked him to go on a mission with her and she had found that the loyal stayed that way, even when it was inconvenient as hell. That the only thing Kiba hated more than the smell of her fear was the smell of her blood, because while the one made him fiercely protective, the other brought him to his knees. He hated her getting hurt. _He hated it_.

A body moved behind her, broader, taller, more muscled. But not stronger. She didn't have to turn to know the expression on his face. She just wasn't ready for it just yet. She was still twisting the knob, over and over again. She found her hand being drawn away and the water being turned cooler.

"Sakura… the water is scalding," Kiba whispered into her shoulder. His other hand closed around hers, fingers entwining against her hip. The way his breath hitched just slightly was her only clue that something was wrong and yet it was enough. Bits and parts, blood and showers, and stacks of papers gave way as her mind refocused.

She looked down and realized that the crimson running down her leg was her own, now mixing with his as the man behind her slowly drew the kunai out of her hand, cutting his own in the process.

"You're hurt," she said quietly, watching him replace the chain back around her neck and settle the kunai between her breasts with gentle fingers. His clothes were wet and freezing but the arms that wrapped about her were warm, so very warm. Maybe he _was_ stronger, just in his own way.

"So are you." He held her silently and she let him. But just for a moment, just until he said it…

"They never should have made you ANBU, Sakura. You weren't right for this. It's not good for you." There it was, and there it would always be. And until he finally understood how strong she was, she would never let him hold her for any longer. Because if surviving this mission alone wasn't enough, then Kiba would never understand and she'd always pull away. She might mourn the loss of her sanity some nights, but she was stronger than he ever gave her credit for.

"You really believe that, don't you," she whispered as she turned and faced him, once more in control. The water was hot. Very much so. And perhaps she needed to put some clothes on, no matter that Kiba was looking only in her eyes, that he always looked in her eyes these days. "There's just one problem."

"And that is?" He stood his ground, aware of her change in demeanor but unwilling to back away from her. Wanted or not, he was there. Neither of them had a choice in it anymore.

"As good as I am at saving people," she said softly, "I'm even better at killing them." Neither of them had a choice in that either. She was too good, she was too well trained, and death fit her like a glove.

"But thanks anyway, Kiba." Sakura leaned up on her tiptoes and pressed a chaste kiss to the side of his jaw, the highest she could reach. Then she left without a word, knowing Kiba and Akamaru would shadow her all the way back to her apartment. That if she left the door unlocked than they would sleep on her couch, only to be gone before she awoke in the morning light. And that if, at any point in the night she awoke from nightmares from this mission, the arms that would wrap around her would remind her that for a while, she was okay.

That no matter what she did, he would always be there.

* * *

Sleep had not come easy for her. It never did anymore. The more that Kiba thought about it as he shifted uncomfortably on her couch, sleep didn't come easy for him anymore either.

Sakura had finally passed out a few hours ago, and so far she had remained blessedly calm in her slumber, although he knew better than to assume it would stay that way. Normally he would have been asleep himself at this point, relying on his and Akamaru's sharp ears to rouse him if he was needed. But tonight he was restless, edgy, and it went beyond the overly long mission his sometimes partner had gone on. True he had been very worried about her, but not the way that she thought. If Hinata had gone on a mission solo and had not returned after a couple weeks after expected, he would have been panicked, sure she was injured or dead. But not Sakura. It wasn't her death in the field that he feared so much. In fact, she was at her best when on a mission. It was when she came home, it was the look in her eyes after she had killed her target, it was when she started training again…

Speak of the devil himself.

Kiba's ability to sense chakra was not nearly as good as other shinobi could achieve, but his nose told it all. And he was so hypersensitive to this smell that Kiba could find the man in a crowd of people with his eyes closed. Letting out a soft growl and unaware that it was echoed unconsciously by the large white dog at his feet, Kiba stood and slipped out of Sakura's apartment. Having done this many times before, Akamaru remained where he was, guarding Sakura in his master's absence. A moment later bare feet touched the roof of the next building over, and Kiba stared at the older man with barely concealed anger.

"What do you want?" he asked harshly, keeping his voice down so not to waken anyone. The last thing he needed was to get into a midnight blowout with the object of his frustration. The last time it had not only woken Sakura, but half the neighborhood.

"I'm checking on my student, Inuzuka," Kakashi Hatake said flatly, never shifting from his crouch as he looked across the street and into the partially covered window to Sakura's bedroom. "Or do you control that now, too?"

There was a dangerous bite to the Copy Nin's words, and Kiba was smart enough to check his rapidly rising temper. Despite his overwhelming anger with this man, Kiba knew when he was overmatched. Strong or not, he couldn't hold a candle to Kakashi. The impotency of his position in this only frustrated him all the more.

"She needs sleep," was all that Kiba said in return, unconsciously glancing down to where Sakura lay, only one small foot visible beneath the comforter. "She was barely lucid when she came in," he added, unable to keep the slight growl from his throat.

"Then perhaps you should go home and _let_ her."

Kiba tensed, eyes narrowing.

"Perhaps if she didn't have so many nighttime visitors, I _would_. Sometimes I wonder what Naruto would think about all this," Kiba added, the threat rolling off his tongue. It was his trump card, something he had wanted to keep hidden unless absolutely necessary. However Sakura's behavior at the ANBU headquarters tonight had unsettled him, and the only person he knew that was strong enough to change this situation was the kyuubi carrier. Naruto had been on several long missions, absently from the village nearly the last two years, but he could be found. And if he knew what had changed so much during his absence, Kiba believed he would come back and help the Inuzuka heir to protect Sakura.

At the mention of Naruto's name, Kakashi finally looked at Kiba, eyes coldly dangerous. After a long silence, the older man finally spoke, his words soft but filled with derision.

"We are shinobi. We are weapons, all of us. If that is something you cannot accept, then you need to leave the fighting to those who can."

Kiba flushed, embarrassed anger making him take a threatening step forward. The silver haired man stood, calming watching to see if the younger shinobi would actually try to strike him. However a flicker of movement caught his eye, Sakura's foot disappearing as she shifted in bed restlessly. By the time Kiba looked back, Kakashi was gone. Cursing softly, Kiba remained on the roof until he was sure the other man wouldn't be coming back. Finally he jumped lightly off the roof and slipped back into the small apartment. Akamaru had already taken the couch, and he wagged his tail unapologetically as Kiba just shook his head and went into Sakura's bedroom. She was muttering in her sleep, a precursor to the nightmares that would soon follow. Sliding carefully into the bed next to her, Kiba laid his head down on the pillow, watching her shoulders rise and fall as she breathed, her face lost beneath a wealth of soft hair and her arms wrapped tightly around the pillow. In a while, if things got bad enough, those arms would wrap around him too. It was the only time she touched him, the only time she really touched anybody. Kiba blamed Kakashi for that, even as she clung to him in her dreams.

Perhaps it was why Kakashi hated him too.

* * *

If the Hokage of Leaf had ever thought that her position guaranteed her the right to control who stormed into her office and when, she had long since learned otherwise. However most of the time her troubles were caused by the elders, who thought they were beyond reproach, the oldest elite shinobi, who were sure they were beyond reproach, and one blonde haired knucklehead, who never realized that he usually deserved reproach. Therefore it was with a bit of surprise that Tsunade turned the corner that morning, hangover still buzzing behind her eyes, to find the dark haired young man leaning against her door as if he owned it. His muscular arms were crossed loosely and his expression looked bored, but the elder woman knew a fighting stance when she saw one. The tenseness of the large white dog at the Inuzuka heir's feet would have given it away, even if his master hadn't.

"Kiba, I don't remember calling you for a meeting," Tsunade said with only the slightest touch of amiability. That is, she didn't curse at him or ignore him. She did however give him a look that said move or be moved, with the latter promising to be a more painful approach. She was going to have to forcibly remind Kotetsu and Izumo of the importance of promptness, both of whom knew better than to let anyone in to see her before ten, unless it was an earth shattering emergency. Kiba straightened beneath the weight of her stare, but didn't budge.

"I need to speak with you, Hokage-sama," he said curtly. "It's about Sakura."

Tsunade's eyes narrowed. "She's fine. She came in last night and left a report on my desk."

"But you didn't see her." Kiba had the audacity to look disapproving. In an effort not to give him a sound thump to remind him of his place, Tsunade sidestepped him and moved into her office, the tall young man following at her heels. She started slightly, giving the corner of the empty room a hard look, and then she returned her attention to Kiba.

"No," she shrugged, sitting down in her chair and giving him an annoyed look. "Why, should I have?"

"Only if you cared at all about the condition she's been coming back in," Kiba drawled, but his eyes flashed angrily. The Hokage shuffled some papers around, mostly ignoring him. But she watched Kiba out of the corner of her vision, well aware of the tension held in his frame. She couldn't remember seeing the Inuzuka this upset, although he was doing a very good job hiding it. The biting sarcasm was normal for him; the way his teeth were grinding against each other was not.

"If she's injured, Sakura knows to get herself to the hospital or to heal herself," Tsunade sounded unimpressed with Kiba's concern, and it made him bristle. At his feet, Akamaru flattened white ears but did nothing. "Get on with it or get out, I have work to do."

Kiba barked out a laugh, although there was no humor in it. "Ahh, busy crossing another one out of the book, huh?"

This time Tsunade stopped and gave him her full undivided attention, her eyes narrowing dangerously. If her apprentice had been stupid enough to blab to this boy, then all their hard work would be for nothing.

"Come again?" Tsunade's voice was still calm, but the hairs on the back of his neck rose warningly. The Hokage was a deadly woman to make unhappy with you, and as good as Kiba was he knew he was no Naruto to take the full force of her fury and escape unscathed. Still, that did not stop him from plunging ahead for Sakura's sake.

"What?" Kiba asked derisively, not caring that his tone reeked of disrespect to the most respected one in his village. "You didn't think I'd notice? Sakura's been fucking her way through the Bingo book, taking out more S-class criminals than any other ANBU member in history, and you thought only you and Kakashi knew about it? I might be on the sidelines, but I know her and I know what she's capable of. When she spars no one can do anything more than touch her, and yet when she appears again at the end of her missions, she's always thrashed."

"Your point being?" Tsunade said flatly, although Kiba could smell the anger rising in her beneath the ever present scent of sake. His lips curled back slightly in a snarl.

"You really don't give a damn about her, do you? Just make the weapon and use it, until it's dull or broken. Sakura's not the only shinobi in this village, you know."

"Are you volunteering, Inuzuka?" the Hokage asked, smirking a bit as she leaned back in her chair. She eyed him from head to toe, obviously evaluating him. "I doubt you have what it takes to get the job done." Kiba bristled, but bit down his instinctive reply. He would go head to head with the Hokage for Sakura's sake, but his pride was not so stiff that he would face off with her over himself. Insults he could handle, this wasn't about him.

"I'm just saying that if you don't ease up on her," Kiba growled, "then you're not going to have anything left. The mission load is getting to her, even though she would never say anything. She'd not made for this, and as her sensei, you should know it better than anyone."

Tsunade's golden eyes locked on Kiba's and he fought the weight of her stare, fought the desire to look down. But that would show weakness, and he refused to do that. Not now.

"You're right. I do know Sakura. And I know exactly what I'm doing. She is serving her purpose well. I suggest you do the same, shinobi. That is all."

At the obvious dismissal, Tsunade turned her chair around, and the sudden presence of Izumo and Kotetsu on either side of him made it clear that he had no choice but to leave. Akamaru growled softly in his throat when the two stepped closer, but Kiba was already turning to go, although not without one parting shot, consequences be damned.

"You're the perfect Hokage, Tsunade," Kiba left off the honorific deliberately as he left the room. "But being an ice cold bitch doesn't have to be part of the job description."

The kunai to his throat didn't surprise him, especially since he didn't try to move away, but the speed of it did. Either Izumo was getting slow or maybe he didn't completely disagree with the younger ANBU.

"Let him go. And don't let the puppy back in until he learns to stop yapping." At the Hokage's command the kunai was lowered and Kiba was removed from her office, Akamaru looking decidedly unhappy about the whole thing as he padded behind. As soon as the door shut behind them, Tsunade sighed heavily and dropped her face in her hands.

"As much as I hate to admit it, the kid's got a point."

At the sound of the drawling voice, Tsunade groaned, having nearly forgotten he was still there. Nearly. She gave the man a dirty look, where he now sat lounging on the corner of her desk, nose buried in a small book.

"You mean the bitch part?" she asked dangerously, to which Kakashi coughed delicately.

"Of course not. I would never be so disrespectful," he told her with a small eye crease. But his voice dipped to a more serious level. "But you had to expect that someone would start to notice. Even tucking her away in ANBU doesn't keep her hidden completely. And it _is_ starting to affect her… it's only time before more of her friends notice."

"That can't be helped, Kakashi," Tsunade declared. "If she can't handle these missions, then she can't handle what's coming next. And personally, I believe that Sakura's strong enough to survive what we're throwing at her."

"I do too, but try telling him that."

"I'll get Kiba reassigned, keep him from interfering."

Kakashi shook his head, closing his book and standing up with a long suffering sigh.

"I wouldn't suggest that, he's smarter than he looks. Although I have to admit that isn't a very promising statement. But he's loyal to her and he'll know if you're trying to keep him from her. I doubt that's a fight you want on your hands," Kakashi said quietly. "Inuzuka loyalty is nothing to be trifled with, and if he feels backed into a corner, he'll come out fighting. He's threatened to get Naruto involved, you should know."

"That's the last thing we need," Tsunade's eyes widened, then narrowed again. "Kakashi? Am I going to have to kill him?" It was not a joking question, and it made Kakashi pause. Disloyalty to Konoha came in many forms, some more subtle than others, and sometimes a Hokage had been forced to assign an impossible mission to a shinobi deliberately. It took the white haired man a very long time to reply, long enough to allow her to make several interesting conclusions.

"No," Kakashi said finally, his voice calm and professional. "Kiba's a good fighter, and besides, the Inuzuka clan would be enraged if it got out. No, it's better to let him stay preoccupied with her, not that he isn't taking that too far. If he causes more problems, I'll deal with it personally."

"You really don't like him, do you?"

"Why do you say that?" Kakashi asked carefully.

"Because the only time you don't read is when it has to do with Sakura, or when you are facing an enemy, and the whole time Kiba was here, you didn't look at your book once." Tsunade seemed amused at her ability to see through the genjutsu he had used to hide himself when the younger shinobi barged in. However if it bothered Kakashi, he was skilled enough not to show it.

"Other Leaf shinobi aren't enemies, not unless they turn rogue. Anyway, he did have a point. Don't let her go on anymore solos," Kakashi said quietly, and in his tone was an echo of Kiba's warning. "The idiot kid's not going to be the only one furious if this plan gets her killed."

Bowing slightly, the Copy Nin proceeded to disappear in a swirl of leaves. Tsunade had the grace not to smirk at how alike the two "idiot kids" really were. Then she pulled out a half empty bottle and a stack of papers, knowing it would take both to give her the courage to push ahead and give Sakura her next mission, even when everything she had screamed that she shouldn't.

* * *

"Again."

Steel against steel, the grating sound that once made her cringe was now music to her ears. The sound meant that she had met his attack, and that she wasn't dead yet. A change of stance, a minute shift of his shoulder meant to draw her attention, but she knew better now. Two years ago she would have fell for it. These days it took a lot more than a simple diversion to leave her open. Steel on steel, mixed with sweat and blood. She was always bloody these days. Somewhere in the back of her mind she wondered if she smelled like it, if that was why Kiba was always so on edge. He hated the smell of her blood, couldn't seem to handle it for some reason. It drove him into a dark fury, or a maddened frenzy. Inconvenient, that. The man in front of her had no such qualms, and would slice her open from chin to ankle if given the opening.

Damn, she just gave it to him, too.

Dirt tastes the same, no matter where you are, and Leaf's was no different. But Sakura didn't spit it out, didn't hesitate over the warm grit that slid over her tongue. Instead she rolled away from where her momentary laxity had thrown her, his blade cutting down where she had been, close enough to slice her cheek. A parry as he spun and lunged downwards, and a well placed kick directed at his head even though she was still on her back, because she wasn't anything if not flexible. And strong. If he had allowed it to connect it would have broken his neck, so he backed off enough to grant her to time to regain her feet. Sword held at the ready. Blood dripping down her jaw.

"Again." Barely remembering to spit before she spoke, she didn't need the iron as much as she needed this practice.

"Haven't you had enough, Sakura? We've been out here all day without a break." Kakashi sidestepped, allowing her to draw him back into the fight as she carefully approached.

"I let you through my guard," she shook her head, green eyes narrowed. "I can't let that happen, sensei."

"There is such a thing as over training," he reminded her in an amused voice, watching her every movement with his sharingan. Kakashi knew he was better with a katana than her and was still faster than her, but Sakura was inventive in her attacks and he didn't want to end up a particularly bad training accident before the day was through.

"When we've reached that point, I'm sure you'll let me know," Sakura gave him a tight smirk, her version of a grin these days. "I am pretty thirsty." She relaxed as if she was thinking of allowing the session to end. Kakashi should have known it was a ruse, but maybe his own thirst was getting to him and for just a moment he let his guard down. It lost him some hair and nearly his right ear. He hadn't sensed her using it, but she must have put some chakra behind that lunge, having come so fast. Kakashi was furious with her for breaking their self imposed rules. Therefore as their swords locked their eyes did too, and the lazy swirl of his sharingan made her momentarily lose concentration. In a normal fight he would have run her through right then. However Sakura lucked out when Kakashi took half a step back and punched her square in the face. She hit the ground, everything going black.

Luke warm water pouring filling her mouth and nose woke Sakura with a start a few moments later, and she jerked sideways with a kunai already in her hand.

"Relax," the older man said in a slightly bored tone as he handed her the water bottle. "And fix your nose, I broke it." Sure enough, when she reached up to tenderly touch her face, a swollen angry nose protested. Sakura grimaced, glad at least that he'd had the decency to reset it while she was out cold. After a small surge of chakra, she scrunched her nose up a few times to make sure it worked right, ignoring his smirk at her actions.

"What was that for?" Sakura glared at him. "You broke the rules."

"You did first," Kakashi replied, giving her a stern look. "I said no chakra for a reason."

"I," Sakura said loftily, climbing a bit unsteadily to her feet, "didn't use chakra. It's not my fault that it's hard to tell the difference."

Kakashi raised an eyebrow, disbelieving. Sakura merely shrugged as if to say it didn't matter what he thought. At one point in her life it would have, but now he played a different role to her. The Sakura of old had desperately striven to stand out, to make her sensei proud of her. But it was only the actions of an unconfident child, trying to please for the sake of pleasing, not for the personal gain of her actions. Now, everything she did had a purpose. She was a blade of steel, but she could still be hardened more. She could still be sharpened more. And the sensei that had ignored her before definitely didn't ignore her now. Sakura had his single minded attention, and Kakashi was forging her into what he had never accomplished with his other two prodigies: a completely controllable killing machine _for_ Leaf.

Well, mostly controllable. She still had her moments.

The spar continued, so long that both were bloody and exhausted when they finally ended it in a draw. It was only then that Sakura allowed herself a drink of water, wondering why the refreshing liquid tasted so flat. In fact the village itself seemed dulled, muted, less full of life… less full of a lot of things. She knew it had to do with the chakra suppression pills, but it didn't make it any easier. They were only weak ones, this was just the beginning but she hated the way it made her little world so much bleaker.

"Kakashi, I don't know if I can keep doing this," Sakura said quietly. There was a deep exhaustion in her voice that matched the tiredness in her eyes. He didn't say anything. There wasn't anything to say. She knew what she had agreed to, even if not all the reasons behind it. And there was no one else. Truly, not even the most powerful of shinobi in this village could do what she did. She was the perfect combination of lethalness, intelligence, strength, healing ability, and beauty. Where one part of her arsenal failed, another would win out. It was how she had survived this long. But it was not without its costs.

"Then when you have found and trained a suitable replacement, you can stop," Kakashi finally said, knowing it was cruel but feeling compelled to say it anyway. Sakura knew as well as anyone that there would never be anyone else. That was why the Hokage was using her like this. Standard issue training. When you have a weapon, make it count. Take out as many of the enemy as you can. Keep the village safe. It had been ingrained in Sakura since her days in the academy. She knew Kakashi was using it against her, and it was in moments like this that she hated him for his callous manipulation of her emotions. But that was training too. With Kakashi everything was about preparing her, even when she didn't like it, even when she didn't want it. So she drew herself up, forced her feelings down, and slowly raised her katana. The large hand on her wrist pressed it back down.

"Enough swordplay, Sakura," Kakashi told her, pacing around her slowly, like a predatory cat around a mouse. She wondered when that had ceased to bother her.

"I have to train if I'm going to survive," Sakura said softly. He paused behind her, standing much closer than normal. Intruding on her personal space. Just like Kiba, never leaving her be for reasons beyond her complete understanding.

"I know." His breath was hot on the back of her neck, and she understood what _that_ meant. There was more than one way to train. And she would be a liar if she said that this kind of training didn't save her life too. And with Kakashi, it was a much more pleasant way to sweat and bleed. Even the harshest lessons could be oh so sweet when he was done. Clothed lips lightly caressed her shoulder, bringing up a reaction that he himself had conditioned in her body. And if she was honest with herself, it was not unwelcome. It was not… wanted, in the normal sense. But not unwelcome. He was always so calm, so in control. Kakashi sensei. She was so glad it was him instead of another one of her targets. His was the only body that gave a damn when he was on top of her. That loved even as he taught her to handle hurt, to embrace it and use it to her advantage. But sometimes… sometimes she had dreams of other hands, ones that never taught, never changed, only accepted. Sometimes she dreamed that there was more than this for her…

"Kiba hates you."

In her haze, Sakura didn't know why she said it, but it made Kakashi go still for a moment. Then the growl that escaped his throat was less Kakashi and more his distant cousin that seemed to never be far from his student's mind. He jerked his mask down and spun her around, catching her mouth in a rough kiss. Her body melded against him perfectly, as he had trained her to do. She didn't fight him, only encouraged with noises and caresses that he himself had shown her. And as he took her Kakashi wondered if any part of this woman was still Sakura, or if she was only what he and Tsunade had made of her. He realized with mixed sadness and disgust that he would never know.

This time she kept the dirt in her mouth, and wondered what she tasted like to the ground beneath her knees.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

_There was nothing left but death._

_Through the billowing dust and the choking smoke, a figure appeared. The only one to emerge from the destruction of the once impressive compound, the figure carefully made their way through the rubble, stepping over hands still outstretched in supplication and faces locked forever in shocked surprise. But no fear. It had been over too soon for fear. Silently the figure fell into step with the one who had been waiting and watching, always always watching… Together the pair slipped away into the night. Her companion never said a word, his masked face revealing nothing, but she could tell he was pleased. _

* * *

These days there were few people that Sakura let touch her. There was only one that she herself would touch. Said one was currently stretched out on her couch comfortably, his feet kicked up on the coffee table, a half empty soda can in his hand as they sat watching a movie. He had his arm on the back of the couch, resting behind her but not against her. She was curled up next to him, so close that her head almost lay against his strong shoulder. Almost. Her knees not quite against his hip, his fingertips stopping short of brushing the nape of her neck. That was the thing about Kiba. He knew she would let him touch her, but he never did unless it was on a mission and necessary, or those rare nights that the shelter of his arms was the only thing that kept the nightmares at bay. He was quite content to stay curled up with her like this. It was enough, he didn't push. And he never ever touched.

Maybe that was why Sakura did.

It was never very much, just the lightest of fluttering of her fingertips against his bicep, or the tiniest pressure of her palm on his side. They could spend hours together just watching movies or television without a word being spoken between the two. Tonight Sakura was finding it harder and harder to keep her eyes focused on the show, and she grew sleepier with every passing minute. This last mission had been rough on her, she could tell; neither her mind nor her body had completely recovered. Her eyelids fluttered closed once, then again. When they opened, she shifted groggily, realizing that she had fallen asleep.

And apparently, sleepy Sakura had a lot less problems touching her partner then the conscious version. The movie had long since ended but from the moment Sakura had rolled over and draped herself on him, the surprised Kiba had not moved a muscle. Her arms had wrapped around his waist like she was holding a stuffed animal, and her face was buried in his chest, pink hair splayed over both of their torsos. Her fingers had threaded through his belt loops, and she held him fast. One slender leg had hooked over his right knee, wedging his leg firmly between her thighs.

If it had been any other girl than Sakura, the Inuzuka heir would have long since removed her or placed her more firmly on his lap for better access for both their enjoyment. Instead he held himself perfectly still, finding that his shock of her actions was quickly being replaced by a hazy sense of contentment. Even Kiba's body was behaving itself, unsurprising considering how deeply he had driven his own personal desires down when it came to her. The last thing Sakura needed was to wake up to a hard on. But the best thing for her he thought was contact. The girl had so little of it, at least the good kind. When she awoke after nearly an hour of using him as her pillow, Kiba hoped against hope that she wouldn't immediately pull away.

She didn't.

"S'rry," she mumbled sleepily, rearranging her legs in a more appropriate position. Kiba closed his eyes before she had a chance to see that he had been awake, and he gave a soft grunt to acknowledge that she had spoken. To her it seemed as if he had been asleep too and wasn't in any mood to be roused. Sakura noticed that despite how she was draped on him, Kiba still didn't touch her. She sighed and buried herself in his strong form, allowing in her tiredness to let him see her vulnerable.

"Bed's more comfy," Sakura murmured, wondering if her partner would take the hint. He sighed, the sound of a man pretending to be aggravated at the request, but Kiba was inwardly pleased. Sakura kept her eyes closed as her pillow shifted around her, hands finally coming to rest on her skin as he gathered her in his arms and picked both of them up off the couch. A few moments later her warm soft bed enveloped her, and she smiled a touch into the bedding.

"Hmmm, you're th'best," she praised, smiling more when he merely snorted and dropped in beside her. Out in the living room, Akamaru had already claimed the couch for himself. She wouldn't ask them to leave tonight. She hadn't asked the last three. She didn't have the strength to try and figure out why.

"Good night, Sakura," Kiba told her quietly, settling in and sighing in relaxation, all the while keeping one eye protectively on her. Anytime there was different behavior, it meant he needed to pay attention. Her desire for companionship wasn't necessarily a good thing. But she didn't seem upset tonight: relaxed and quiet as opposed to strung tight and silent. Those nights it took her a long time for her body to accept rest and right now he could tell she was almost asleep already.

"You can… if you want to… feels good when you do…" she mumbled nearly incoherently. Kiba was glad that he knew her well enough to understand what the words meant. She was not asking him to bed her. She was asking for something much more important in her starkly empty and violent world. He had long since given up wondering at how one girl could fill his heart so full with pride just because she wanted him to hold her as she slept. Kiba pulled Sakura in close, spooning her back to his chest and keeping her safely locked in the protection of his arms. Tonight, it was just the three of them, and everything was right in the world. Tonight, no one else could touch her.

Kiba would rip out the throat of anyone that tried.

* * *

The boy was there again, and it pissed the hell out of Kakashi. He knew it shouldn't, he knew that his active dislike for the Inuzuka was ridiculous, but he couldn't seem to help himself. Things between Kakashi and his former student were… complex right now. And every time he was almost about to get Sakura where he needed her, how he needed her, the damn kid was in his way. Had he been ever been inclined to explain his actions to the younger shinobi, he was way past that now. With Sakura it was like a constant dance, beautiful but deadly all at once, with Kiba cutting in at the most inappropriate times. Kakashi was so close… he almost had taken her where she needed to be, had almost molded her into the kind of kunoichi she would _have_ to be to get through this alive. He refused to explain this to the Inuzuka, who seemed unable to see past the pain in her eyes and the smells on her skin. He didn't get it and insisted on intervening at every possible chance.

Kakashi was really starting to dislike the kid.

In the past, when the Copy nin had taken a strong disliking to someone, that someone usually got the hint and made themselves scarce. Kiba however seemed to be too dense for that. Kakashi was tempted to walk right into Sakura's bedroom and throw the Inuzuka out by his hair; however there were two very important things that were stopping him. The first being that he respected Sakura, loved her even in his own fashion, and he refused to upset her by intruding in such a way into her personal life. The second being the dog, Akamaru, if he remembered its name correctly. The nin dog would fight to protect his master, and Kakashi detested hurting loyal animals whose only mistake was that their masters were fools. Plus his own pack had a tendency of not waiting to be summoned if they smelled another dog in the fight, and the destruction of his own friends or the Inuzuka heir's companion would not bode well.

Thus far the only politics that they had had to worry about were those between Konoha and the countries that they slipped Sakura into for her missions. Kakashi doubted the Inuzuka was fully aware of just how much weight his clan had with the village elders, and if not carefully handled, Kiba could grow from being an irritant to being a very big problem.

Damn that girl for ever choosing him in the first place.

Hadn't anyone ever told her? A kunoichi picks the shinobi that she works the best with, but that she has the least possible connection with. A kunoichi picks one that is strong enough and fast enough to help her withdraw if she needs help. She picks one that is patient enough to wait for the kunoichi to finish her mission, but smart enough to know when it's time to get in and get her out. One that can keep a cool head in the face of some awful situations. An older shinobi would have been so much better, Shikaku or maybe Gai. Even the younger Aburame would have been acceptable, if she had to pick someone her own age. But you never ever chose an Inuzuka if you need detachment. Kakashi didn't think that the boy could help it; territorialism was part of his genetic makeup. However that didn't make it any easier. Things were strained enough, the lessons he had to teach Sakura harsh enough without having Kiba intervene. Perhaps he should have pressured Tsunade to send the kid away after all.

Through the window Kakashi watched her hand move, watched in her sleep as she reached out to her partner, and how muscled arms tightened around her when she did. He wasn't jealous. He wasn't. He just hated that she used to reach for him like that, her head on his shoulder as he kept watch and she slept trustingly on their way home after a mission. Innocently, she had always trusted him. Sakura still trusted him, but that innocence was gone, carefully and systematically stripped away by his own hands. What a weapon she was, now that she could detach her emotions, and nearly rivaling Itachi Uchiha with her callous simplicity. Cold. Hard. _Strong_. Soon, very soon, he would not be strong enough to beat her. It would be then that she would be ready. Soon, if he could just teach her one more thing… Then maybe this could all be over, and they could go back to what they used to be.

There was movement and a figure stood in the window, eyes meeting his. Sakura left the curtains open for a reason. She knew he needed to watch, to make sure that she was okay, even when he was the one that had hurt her. Kakashi thought that maybe her attempts at soothing his aching conscious made it even worse. For the hundredth time, he looked at Sakura and hardened himself. This had to be done. He beckoned a finger and slipped back into the shadows, knowing she would follow. She always did.

He had trained her well.

It took Kakashi ten minutes to reach the training grounds where team seven always used to train together. Considering the… delicateness of some of their lessons, usually they trained in more private areas, but it was the middle of the night and there was no one else there. He found Sakura waiting next to the stump he had tied Naruto to so long ago. She was running her fingers over it lightly, almost fondly.

"He has been gone a long time now," Kakashi said quietly. She didn't show any surprise, she had known he was coming for a while now, chakra masked or not.

"Which one?" Sakura said drolly, a touch of sarcasm entering her voice. Kakashi said nothing, simply watching her. Finally she turned and faced him, green eyes dark in the partial moonlight. "What lesson will you teach me tonight, sensei?" she asked in a quiet unassuming tone. Middle of the night or not, she was ready to go to work.

"There is little left for me to teach you, Sakura," Kakashi replied seriously, taking a step forward and placing his hand on her shoulder. She didn't flinch away, but her muscles stayed locked in place. "Relax," he ordered, and she did so immediately. Kakashi wondered if she was purposefully leaning into the touch that she had just stiffened beneath, or if it was unconscious.

"My taijutsu is sloppy," she said, although even Sakura knew that wasn't exactly true.

"Your taijutsu is fine, and the little more it can improve will take years of fine tuning."

"It is too late for ninjutsu, sensei," she decided softly. "The noise will alarm the village. Why are we here?"

"Because I need to talk to you. Sakura, your last mission nearly failed. The jutsu backfired and it could've cost us everything. You need to practice it," Kakashi wasn't asking. But that didn't seem to matter to his student because she tensed up, almost angrily, before forcing her face smooth.

"I'll get better without doing it that way," she insisted quietly. "It'll just take some time."

"Time isn't something we have."

"Then I'll figure out another way."

"There _is_ no other way." He was starting to get frustrated, and she knew it. He never could hide from her, not anymore. She had seen too much of whom he really was.

"Then I will make one!" The harsh snap was out of character for her now, her childhood temper honed as a weapon instead of as an instinctive response. But in this one thing she refused to budge, and her stubbornness was winning out. Thus far there had been nothing Kakashi could do to change her mind. Aware of her break in demeanor, she lowered her eyes and turned to the side.

"You need to use this jutsu, Sakura," Kakashi told her in a hard voice, very nearly pleading with her. "I don't really care if you want to use it or not. You _have_ to."

"I… I can't do that to you, Kakashi sensei," Sakura whispered, keeping her face turned away from him. Kakashi stepped closer and grabbed her chin, turning her and forcing her to look at him.

"Yes, you can, and you will."

"No… I won't hurt you like that. I can't control it, I could kill you."

Kakashi laughed, a deep bitter laugh and then Sakura found her shoulder blades digging into the rough bark of the tree behind her. "And after all I have done to hurt you, Sakura?" he whispered in a darkly dangerous voice. "You still won't do it?"

"I will do _anything_, Kakashi," she left off the honorific, and he thinks that another pivotal moment in their relationship has now come to pass. "Anything for you, but please do not ask me to do this."

"I'm not asking." And then he kissed her, hard enough to make her gasp at the forcefulness of it. And then he took her, knowing that in that moment he had complete control over her, more than any other time, and maybe just maybe he could force it out of her. But through the blood and the sweat and the tears he brought to their eyes, in the end it didn't change anything. She wouldn't use it; she couldn't forget how close she came to killing him the first time she tried.

She pulled a kunai out, catching even him unawares as she pressed it to his neck, and as she whispered that she killed him anyways without the jutsu, he snarled and grinded into her harder. She moaned and wrapped her legs around him, although the moan might mean anything. She can't completely fool him yet, although she is close, and soon even in this she won't need him anymore. He punished her for her success and for his own fears, and just before it was too late he pulled away, his frustration spilling into his hand because it has never been about his own satisfaction, he cared about her too much for that. Kakashi slumped to the ground and pressed his forehead to her breast, panting as he cursed his own inability to truly protect his team. He was destined to fail.

Sakura stared at the starry sky above them, letting him hold her as long as he needs it even as she pressed the kunai tenderly against his throat.

* * *

"We have a mission."

They had found her on the training grounds, long after Kakashi had gone home, two ANBU with a mission scroll. She had known it wouldn't be long; she spent more time out of Konoha these days than in it. When she'd finally got home, she had expected to find Kiba still there but even though it was barely dawn, her apartment was empty. It had taken her nearly an hour to locate him, where he sat on the cliff overlooking the village. The huge white dog lay curled at his feet, and his hands were buried in Akamaru's thick coat. He never looked up at her words, instead staring at the tower that housed the Hokage.

"You were with him again."

Despite the quietness of his voice, Sakura thought that he might be angry. Akamaru wouldn't look at her, so that must mean that his master's anger was probably directed at her this time. Or maybe it was that he didn't like her leaving last night without telling him.

"He's my sensei, of course I train with him," Sakura replied matter of factly. "And I said we have a mission, or at least I do. It is not required that you go."

"Most sensei don't fuck their students until they can't walk straight," Kiba growled. "Most students don't go along with it."

Oh yes, he was angry. But she didn't have time to allow him that. She had a mission and time was of the essence. So Sakura settled her pack more securely on her shoulders and stepped over to Kiba, moving in very close, almost so that they were touching.

"I have a mission. If you can't go, I understand," she said quietly. "But I feel… better when you do."

She thought for a brief moment he would refuse, although he never has before, but he knows that if he does, Kakashi will go in his stead. Wordlessly, Kiba stood up and faced her, locking eyes with her and holding them. Sakura smiled slightly and tossed him a second pack, one that he keeps at her place for last minute missions. She had added his mask and katana to the regular items, and he wondered if she knew already that he is incapable of telling her no. Despite his own feelings in the matter, he will not let her leave by herself or with someone else if she gives him a choice in it.

"I hate that you're in ANBU," he told her coldly, sliding the porcelain over his handsome face and strapping the katana to his shoulders. As he followed her silently out of the village, completely unreadable, Sakura decided that she liked it better when he wore his mask. It made her feel more normal. Her face never shows anything either.

* * *

Sometimes as a shinobi, you silently blend into the shadows just because you can, even if there is no need for it. Sometimes as a shinobi, your invisibility unwittingly allows you access to conversations and actions that you weren't supposed to hear, and that you should never have seen. And sometimes, just sometimes, a puzzle falls into your lap when you least expect it.

Puzzles. How troublesome.

* * *

The firelight played over her features, making her look younger than she was. Perhaps it was because she was sitting with her knees drawn up to her chest, chin resting on crossed arms as she stared at the flames, lost in thought. As he thought back about it, Kiba couldn't remember many of his memories of Sakura where she wasn't lost in thought, at least not after the Uchiha had left. But while Naruto had always tried to pry and bully his way into Sakura's confidence, the young ANBU was content to wait and let her come to him. She would, eventually, given enough time. That's why he had been quiet tonight, watching the sun slip away through the trees and darkness fall over the land. There was a town not too far away, they could have made it easily, but Sakura had wanted to stay here. Well, it wasn't like Kiba wasn't used to the ground, and they were still in safe enough territory that a fire was alright. Being there, just the three of them, was actually quite okay with him.

"You hungry?" Kiba finally asked, feeling slightly obligated even though her answer was usually the same. It took a moment, but green eyes finally focused and rested on him. Sakura shook her head slightly.

"Arigato, Kiba. No."

The dark haired man shifted against the rock that had become his chair, frowning slightly as he crossed his arms.

"Is the nausea normal?" he asked, watching her reactions carefully. Sakura just shrugged.

"I get used to it after a while, but when I increase doses it always makes me queasy. It's okay, though, energy wise I am fine."

Kiba nodded, satisfied. This was her mission, and even though he might disagree vehemently with her at home, while in the field he didn't interfere. Sakura would never back down from a mission, and to ask her was an insult of her character and her honor as a shinobi. The chakra suppression pills were a very bad idea in his mind, but that just meant that he needed to work harder to keep her safe. Sakura had her mission, and Kiba had his. At least he was here, watching her back, instead of her going it alone again.

"You worry too much."

Kiba glanced up and saw Sakura giving him a quirky smile. Unable to stop himself, Kiba winked at her.

"You love it, babe," he told her with a cocky smirk, making Sakura smile a touch more before she seemed to lose herself in thought again. It was a long time before she spoke again, seeming content to sit there, running her fingers through Akamaru's soft coat. But finally she looked up, catching his eye.

"I'm sorry I upset you the other night," Sakura said quietly. Kiba grunted and looked down. He had lost count of the times she had slipped away from him without his knowledge. He had never lost count of the times she had come back with the smell of that _asshole_ burning Kiba's nose. But never once had she acknowledged that it bothered him, because to acknowledge that was to admit there was more to this than just a mutually beneficial partnership.

Somehow, without realizing how it had happened, Sakura had become the central most important thing in his life besides Akamaru. The Kiba of old would never have invested this much time and this much energy into… well, anyone. Especially when he wasn't getting a damn thing out of it. Their entire relationship centered around the fact that in the field they worked flawlessly together, and off the field he was the only person she would let within ten feet of her that wasn't Kakashi. But that was all. He was there, always there, no matter how ridiculously impotent it made him feel. And she merely allowed him to be.

Kiba had wondered how long it would take for her to notice his frustration. She never noticed anything anymore, so lost in her own world as she was, and he did his best to hide it from her. And now she wanted to apologize, but that would mean she knew… she knew how much this screwed with his head. It also meant that even with that knowledge she was still unwilling to stop. Kiba was anything but a fool. If asked to choose between him and Kakashi, Kiba knew he would never win. He was angry at her for that, even as he hated Kakashi for molding her into this shell of who she used to be. But he had no right to be angry over where she chose to be, and she knew it, because even an acknowledgement didn't change the fact she wasn't his to get angry over. Frankly it pissed him off.

"Kiba…"

_She knew it too! Fucking hell, she knew how much he was beginning to care… _

"Go to sleep Sakura. I'll take the first watch."

He'd take both watches. He always did. Impotent or not, second place or not, he'd always have her back.

* * *

"Would she do it?"

"Of course not," Kakashi told the Hokage, flipping idly through his book as he leaned against her office wall. Tsunade hadn't actually seen him _read_ it in a month. "She refuses."

"But… but she has to! There's no other way we can pull this off."

"She won't risk hurting me, Tsunade. Sakura might be pretty fucked up right now, but she's always been protective of those she cares about. I've been in her life too long, she can't bring herself to do it."

"…Then do what you have to do."

He raised an eyebrow at her, a frown hidden beneath his mask. "Don't you think that's going a bit… far?"

Tsunade snorted, looking out her window with tired eyes. "Considering how far it's already gotten, you ask me that now? Do your job, Kakashi, so that she can finally have the strength to do hers. Then this mess will all be over."

The little book snapped shut as the elite shinobi left her office, his eyes a little more dead than when he had come in. For the hundredth time that day, the Hokage felt just as old as she really was.

* * *

He thinks that the waiting is the worst part.

Despite his natural tendencies to be impulsive and quick tempered, Kiba was actually pretty patient. Hell, he'd spent nearly a year letting Sakura get herself to the point where she would actually reach out and touch him of her own volition. He was the bloody _definition_ of patient. But he hated waiting because he never knew what he'd have when the waiting was all over. Sakura wasn't like the others of their age group, really she never had been, but the difference showed itself more starkly apparent out here. Out here where no one but Kiba could see what she was turning into. He didn't like it. Hell, it made him pretty damn nervous if he was being honest with himself. Not that he thought that Sakura would ever turn on him, but he knew that he couldn't do a damn thing about it if she did. She was strong now, so very strong, and he had no delusions as to his own ability. He could out track her, he could out smell her, out hear her, but she could…

She could do what she was doing down there and not need a single soul to help her.

He thinks that the waiting is the worst part because the longer it stretches on, the more he worries that this time is the one where she will need help and she won't get it in time. As she said before she left him hidden in the hills beyond her target, she thinks he worries too much. But it doesn't matter what she says because Kiba's never been good at doing what others think he should do, so he'd worried himself sick for the whole week and a half she requested to get the job done. Then, when she didn't appear at the designated meeting spot, he stopped worrying and did what he did best: he went to find Sakura. Although really, it's not that hard anymore. To find Sakura, he just had to find the blood.

When he found her, it shocked even him. Because really, she's a sweet girl and sweet girls don't do _this_, not even if they are ordered to.

"We should leave," he told her curtly from behind her shoulder, although he was careful not to approach her too closely. She knew he was coming, instinctively and because he's not _that_ good at hiding his chakra, which is why he didn't have her kunai buried in his throat. A low rumbling growl rolled constantly from Akamaru's throat, because the dog knew as well as his owner that this place was going to come crashing down on their heads any moment now.

"_Sakura_."

"Hmmmm?" She didn't look at him; instead she was mesmerized by her hands. She lifted them up, watching the way freshly wet trailed down dried and flaky, and she wondered if her shower was lonely tonight. Her thought made him flinch, almost as if she'd hit him, and she thought that it might be bad for Kiba if he looked in her head too much. It was dark and squishy in there, and not warm at all.

"I'm going to pick you up now," he warned her, speaking quietly despite the moaning of bending timbers above them. "Please don't kill me when I do, okay?"

She raised her hands up even further, watching the supports start to crack, and wondered how wet got all the way up there too. It was cold today, much too cold to go outside, but Kiba seemed to think it was important so she decided to humor him. Her head lolled against his shoulder as he picked her up, and she blinked when she realized that he was moving so slowly because he was stepping over so many dead people. They should've known better and lined up in rows because Kiba's an important man and had things to do. Lots of very important shinobi things. She thought that maybe she should make them do it, for him, even though the sun was shining brightly down in her eyes.

"It's okay," he murmured in her ear, sounding upset and seeming as if he was trying very hard to hide it. "It's gonna be okay, Sakura."

Of course it would be okay. Didn't he know the stack of white papers in her room never lied?

* * *

Purely from coincidence, Shikamaru is waiting on the walls of the village when Inuzuka and Haruno make it back from their mission. He would have recognized them even if they had been wearing their ANBU masks, but neither one seemed to have felt it necessary. Kiba is hurrying, with Sakura only a step behind with that same calmly blank expression she had taken to wearing these days. Neither one seemed injured and the shinobi at the gate let them pass without any alarm. Calmly moving with her partner at her shoulder, the pair weaved their way through the town towards the Hokage's tower to report.

Shikamaru wonders if anyone else notices that behind his normal grimace, Kiba looks scared to death.

* * *

"What the hell have you two done to her?!" Kiba roared, slamming his fist so hard into the Hokage's desk that the wood cracked. Even still, the blonde woman did not jump. She did however look him coolly in the eyes.

"Sakura is fine," Tsunade responded. "She's been checked out by the medical staff and judged fit to return to work. Physically she's completely healthy, Kiba."

"Mentally she's a fucking nutcase!" the Inuzuka cried, leaning over and gripping her desk so hard his knuckles were white. "Why the hell am I the ONLY one who sees this?"

"Maybe because you're only seeing what you want to see," Tsunade said flatly. "It's common knowledge you don't like Sakura being in ANBU, but to use your position as her partner to try and undermine her is unprofessional, Kiba."

Kiba's eyes widened as he stared at her in disbelief, then he barked out a harsh laugh.

"Unprofessional. Yeah, I guess you could call me that." He straightened and crossed his arms, sarcasm dripping from his voice. "Guess I am overstepping my bounds, trying to get you to stop assigning her missions that leave her babbling incoherently for two days straight."

"Stress," was Tsunade's only reply. "We all deal the way we have to."

"You know, it's funny," Kiba said with a soft growl. "I've seen shinobi pulled from active duty for months for exhibiting a tenth of the stress signs that Sakura's showing. But with her, you keep throwing her out there. What could be so important that you'd be willing to risk your own apprentice this way? Because you're killing her."

"Kiba, leave. Now."

"Don't you even care?"

"Kiba. _Leave_."

He stared at her angrily, but finally had no choice but to do as she said. She was the Hokage, and it was her right to throw him out of her office. It was her right to keep sending Sakura on missions, even if he disagreed. It was also her right to send him on a three month mission to Suna where he couldn't cause any more trouble. So, of course, she did.

* * *

"Kiba's gone."

Kakashi looked over at Sakura, noting the tiniest inflection of discontent in her tone from where she knelt on the training grounds.

"Only for a while," Kakashi assured her. "Besides, we have other things we need to focus on."

Sakura calmly said nothing. Without the lifeline that was Kiba, blood and pain and her sensei are all that she knew and there was no need for words here. The loving caress of her katana against his skin was all she needed to say.


End file.
